Etiquette 101

As an artist, its important to grow something of a thick skin; not everyone is going to love your art, and you can't let that slow you down.  Ultimately, you need to create your art for you, and not for anyone else.  However, it's also important to distinguish between criticisms of your art, and criticisms of you, as a person.

I love creating art for clients.  Almost always, it's a really positive experience: I have a unique opportunity to help peoples' visions become reality.  Unfortunately, not all clients are easy to work with, and some seem completely unaware that I'm a real person, with real needs, wants, and feelings.

Some recent experiences inspired this list of pointers, of how to treat other people:

It might seem obvious, but don't swear, or use racial epithets, or derogatory terms.  Not only is it offensive, but also it assumes some silly things.  The fact that I, personally, do not have an intellectual disability does not mean I'm OK with using the word "retarded."  In my classes, I tell my students that that word is off limits.  Some people tell me I'm "oversensitive" or want to know what my "problem" is.  My "problem" is that my cousin has Downs Syndrome.  How we honor our families reflects some profoundly personal choices; please, let's not judge each other.

Don't belittle other people.  Recently, I taught a workshop on how to make a banquet table.  During the class, two of the students decided that the class was "too slow," and they wanted to make another piece of furniture at the same time.  They grabbed a couple of sideboard kits out of our inventory and, without asking, instructed me to help them make sideboards as well.  Throughout the class, they joked with each other about how I probably thought they should pay me twice!  When the owner of the store, which hosted the workshop, charged them for two classes, they were very angry.  Please, appreciate that no one has an obligation to serve you; whether someone is teaching a class, or cleaning your home, they're doing so of their own free will, and we should respect their choice by paying them fairly for their work.

If you place a custom order, but subsequently experience "buyer's remorse", then please let me know.  

If you don't like one of my designs, then vote with your wallet by not purchasing it.  There's no need to call, or email, me to tell me how horrible it is, or how much all of your friends hate it.  Please, realize that I--and all artists--have feelings, too.  

When you find out what I do, don't apologize, speculate on how poor I must be, or ask me how I can possibly afford to pay my bills.  I'm a big fan of the golden rule; ask yourself, how would I feel if I were on the receiving end?  I chose to become an artist not only because I felt so passionate about it, but also because I wanted more freedom to focus my energy on my family and home.  If you want to know more about my choices, values, and beliefs, then please feel free to ask me!  

"It's a Small World, After All..."

My grandfather was fond of saying, "there are only 100,000 people in the world, and the rest are all robots."  What he meant was, the world really is a tiny place--billions of people aside, you're going to keep running into the same small group of people over and over again.  Since most of us don't ever move further than 25 miles away from where we're born--at least statistically--the enormity of the world's population is basically irrelevant to our daily lives.  So, keeping this in mind, we should act accordingly!

In law school, I studied business ethics, which is basically just a fancy codification of the golden rule--do unto others, and all that.  We should treat other people the way we think they should treat us.  And, honestly, the business and non business perspectives on the golden rule are pretty much the same.  Don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal.  It might work in the short term, but it doesn't--absolutely doesn't--work in the long term.  Some people think they're "getting ahead" by misleading customers, not reporting income or acting callously toward competitors.  Trust me, they're not.

If it's not your work, then don't say it is.  If it cost you 5.00 in materials and 25.00 in time, then don't charge 500.00 for it.  If you earn it, then report it.  Be kind to customers--when they buy your work, they bestow a huge blessing on you.  They allow you to continue to do what you love to do.  Sometimes, customers come down with "buyer's remorse", or don't pay you on time, or maybe even treat you disrespectfully.  It doesn't matter.  Treat them with respect, because they're just people--like you.  Business transactions can be very intimidating to both parties, and you lose nothing by remembering that.  Be thoughtful of competitors--don't treat them like their success is your failure.  Generally, don't take advantage of people; what goes around really does come around.

Someone might not be your customer today, but they might be your customer tomorrow--if you treat them with respect.  Six months from now, they're not going to remember how much the Victorian kitchen roombox cost, but they are going to remember how they felt when they bought it from you.  If you get angry with a customer for deciding not to buy something, or breaking something, then the customer is going to remember it--and, next time, buy whatever he needs from someone else.  Success as a person has a lot to do with success as a businessperson.

Honestly, particularly within the legal field, plenty of people disagree with me.  The typical excuse is, "it's not personal", because who you are at work isn't who you are at home.  But, the thing is, you're always you--Batman is still Bruce Wayne under his suit.  You are who you are, and trust me, no one thinks, "well, he cheats me when I do business with him, but he treats me nicely when I run into him at church, so it must not be personal."  Instead, they think, "he cheats me when I do business with him, so the fact that he treats me nicely when I run into him at church is just an act.  What a phony."  In this way, life is like soup: if you drop a little bit of sewage into the soup, the whole soup becomes inedible.  It's not like only part of the soup has sewage in it, but the rest is OK to eat.  A little sewage--even a little--infects the whole bowl.  So, be who you are--all the time.

And remember, there's enough success to go around!  Recently, I came across the website of a really talented miniaturist.  Her designs absolutely blew me away, and I bought several of her things.  I emailed her about designing a custom item for me, and she happily agreed.  At that time, I was looking for someone with a laser cutter, who was willing to cut some designs for me.  Since I admired her designs, I explained that I was a professional miniaturist and asked for her help.  She immediately cut off all contact with me, leaving me to figure out, on my own, that she was not going to complete the custom item.  Her behavior was, needless to say, completely unprofessional.  She didn't even give me the courtesy of an explanation.  Unfortunately, that kind of attitude isn't uncommon--some people honestly believe that there isn't enough success to go around, so they have to jealously guard theirs.  But, the truth is, you lose nothing by sharing--in fact, you gain a lot.  

I found someone else to cut my designs, an extremely successful miniaturist who has been very gracious and helpful.  I have lots of designs, and he's making a lot of money cutting them for me.  The more successful I am with them, the better off he and I both are.  I recommend him to my miniaturist friends, because many of them also have designs they need someone to cut.  Conversely, I told my miniaturist friends about the miniaturist who cut off all contact with me.  One friend remarked, "wow, does she think you're not going to run into her?"  And therein lies the problem--it's a small world.  

Your most important asset, in this or any business, is your reputation.  You can always make more money--and, if people like you and trust you, then they're going to want to give you their business--but you can't remake your reputation.  Once you lose it, you lose it.  Particularly when it comes to money, people aren't trusting, and in a competitive industry like this one, they have no incentive to give you a second chance.